Good cheese

When I first started working at CLP, getting to know the Dinos was easy. I'm comfortable around kids and my nurturing instincts are right on par. However, getting to know their parents? Awkward.

I'm pretty socially ungraceful. Put me in a situation with a group of people I don't know and you'll find me making friends with the food table. It's worked for me so far because usually someone has the same inclination. "That's some good cheese." "Yes, it sure is."

After bonding over refreshments, the conversation gradually gets easier and more interesting. I feel that's how it's been for me getting to know the Dino parents. In the beginning, I did have to remind myself that I'm adult, too. The Dino parents are closer to my age than my parents' age, which means... whoa. I'm getting old and legitimate. It was a small factor towards building that teacher-parent relationship - a personal factor at that - yet an important mental preparation point.

It's been fun and rewarding getting to know the parents by way of talking about their kids. They have some great kids, a great family dynamic, and I can't wait for some summer Dino fun.

As good as ever

Big accomplishment for the day: got the morning diapers done on schedule. A small feat, yes, but boy was that empowering. Also, kids are funny.

Things at Creative Learning are as good as ever.

--

That was about two weeks ago, and things are still going well. I like getting up for work every day and knowing the Dinos as they continue to grow into themselves. I could be happy working at CLP for a couple more years -- I'm learning an incredible amount about patience and how to be a good teacher (a preschool one anyway). My work ethic pushes me to want to take some classes and really be the best I can be for the kids. We recently had a "Stranger Danger" staff seminar of which there were power point slides that I got way too excited for. Eighteen years of schooling will do that I suppose. And I do like learning. That's why I'm so happy at CLP. Every day I go into work, I learn something new by seeing, watching, listening, and overall experiencing. I need that in my work I've discovered.

What's next?

I've got my walking and busing route to work figured out, and as I now begin to settle into the weekly routine I so craved for when I was unemployed, I'm beginning to think about what's next. I cleaned the entire bathroom and kitchen last night just thinking.

The goals I set for myself for when I moved back to Madison were all logistics. I needed to find a place to live, needed a job, too. Now, I figure it's time to start pushing myself creatively and get my new priorities sorted out, because life is tasty. I want a taste of everything I've always wanted to eat. 

It's hard to know. To know what to do, how to get there. I stress out about it a lot. I listen to other people's journeys and worry my own is that much off track. And I'm not sure why being in my mid twenties feels so close to death or worse, failure, but it does. Why is it so impressive that a nineteen year old develops a wildly popular app and makes millions? He's so young -- AMAZING. Silly, really. It'd be amazing for a person of any age. 

The job that will make me happy, feel fulfilled, and where I can make a difference. My expectations in that kind of glory may be too hurried. It's going to take work and time, and that's totally cool with me. I just need this week to rest up for the hike. 

I like hikes. 

Lena Dunham's "GIRLS"

HBO's "GIRLS" hits so many notes with me. Maybe it's just my status a twenty something trying to figure out my life. I suppose being a girl also helps me relate. It took a couple of episodes for me to warm up to the series because Lena Dunham writes up a complex set of characters. I find myself rooting for them and sharing in their celebrations. But the characters are also very unlikable and discouraging, as real people always are. They've got twisted ideas about relationships and what life is supposed to be. They mess up and do things I don't agree with. Their friendships are extremely intimate but complicated and wavering. They are confused yet confident about what they think they know. It's a real test to watch them to try to figure them out to align myself with them. Lena Dunham writes up a complex show.

The show is refreshing, shocking. Many of the scenarios are so offbeat, I wonder that Lena must have lived them or had a friend that did. How does she do it? How does one write a show with these characters that have such girth and oddities and are so believable? It's art.

That's not much of a review, but I needed to give the show a bit of a shout out.

By the hour

"Too high of expectations for happiness? I want to not have to live pay check to pay check. I don't want to have to know that if I lose my hourly job, I can't pay rent and I can't make a loan payments. That doesn't seem like too much to ask."

I had a fun night out with some old work friends, friends I've bonded with over the years as we worked side-by-side at hourly paid jobs. They are smart, funny, beautiful, and have outstanding work ethic. I like and respect them a lot. Our lives have panned out in similar fashions as we all want more than money of our jobs and are working full-time by the hour to pursue that.

I guess working at an hourly wage in college was less worrisome because I, in a sense, had the world in my hands. The possibilities and promise were endless. I was a student. That was my title and my job. Now that I'm graduated and am not where I want to be, hourly work is welcome but budgeted to the penny. I now not only worry about rent and groceries but also loan payments and my future.

Last night was the first night I saw my situation as a precarious one. It's true. I don't have a contract and I could potentially lose most of my hours once summer hits. I always deal with and accept it but should I really have to? It's a tough situation for me to even have thoughts about because firstly, I really like my teaching job. Secondly, I'm not living my dream from college in part to a decision that the timing wasn't right.

My small taste of the production life, working on a reality TV show, was life-changing. The people alone were amazing, incredibly talented, and passionate about film and life. In working, I was sincerely happy and had never been more myself -- in my element. But I also realized what it took for all my newfound friends and heroes to get where they were, and I wasn't sure I wanted that quite yet. The hard work and dedication aren't what scared me; it was thinking I would be running and running to get onto this moving train that was going someplace I didn't want to go. Perhaps I wouldn't mind that destination in the end, but there's beauty in the choice.

That was tough for me. I still want to work in film but I feel I need to get a better grip on my life and who I am before I devote the time and make those sacrifices. I don't want to go along for the ride. So, I decided to trust my gut. I know when the time comes, I'll just do it. I'll move to California and sleep on couches or floors if I have to. But I'm not going to do that until I feel it's right.

It's my career path and I firmly believe all will work out, especially if I trust my instincts. So I suppose choosing this life that I have right now - with a little bit of luck - has kept me from feeling too cheated. I know I'm not always going to be satisfied with where I am and that I need to be careful about getting comfortable (because I still have big plans). And that's not even the point I'm trying to spit out -- it was just nice to be understood. Not having that financial security blows and it is unstable because it is what it is. I get it. My friends get it. We ate some $2 tacos and 99 cent margaritas. Facts and numbers, by the hour.

Retail life

When I'm working my retail job, I have to remind myself that I'm not meant for retail. I had a refreshing interview at one of the big name bookstores, and my interviewer said, "Retail is retail." Yeah, retail is retail. As a customer and shopper, I enjoy the big retail establishment options -- I can get books, groceries, clothes, etc. But working retail is overall about customer service and sales no matter the place.

My interviewer had made retail a career. He ran a really great store but wasn't deluded into believing he was working for a greater good of books everywhere. He was realistic and honest. I think I would've liked working at that store.

My current job is also a well-run store with an upbeat and hardworking staff. I like working there for the discount and the overall challenge it presents me. I'm definitely more of a free form; I believe that the average customer is educated and researched. They know their bodies and can decide what to buy and not buy. From years working in customer service, I have a great customer sixth sense: I can tell when someone has a question. In other words, I wouldn't be pushing pieces and rewards.

However, that's not my job. My job is not to tactfully stand aside but to channel my inner excited Christmas elf to help "her" find not only only what she's looking for but an entire look. Make conversation to make it a great shopping experience. It's different, it scares me, and I'm not a natural. But the clothes we offer are smart and fashionable. And the service we provide helps women feel great in their clothes. That's something I do believe in and can work for.

So, I'll fake it 'til I make it (or don't). I'm not meant for retail. All I can do is show up and do what I do -- work hard. It's a good life lesson, working hard and not being good at something. Aaaand the experience will be helpful if I do ever make to sunny California to pursue my lofty film dreams. "Fake it 'til you make it," said everyone in L.A.

Lazy phones

Lazy texting makes me super upset. My unreasonable hostility towards people who send me lazy texts is unreasonable. I simply appreciate receiving texts that the sender has obviously taken some time to devise. That extra attention and effort makes it a real conversation. For me, it's as simple as a smiley face or an exclamation point here and there to show your enthusiasm.

I'm not a huge texter, but I have had some great conversations with friends through tap-tapping those fine little letters on my iPhone. It's a fun way to keep in touch and recite random thoughts to friends and family -- when done correctly. A "rule girl" myself, I sometimes wish there was a texting etiquette course. But alas, similar to basic table manners, texting etiquette relies heavily on family life and context. Delivery and audience is important, too. It's a finicky mode of conversation with loads of personal expectations and flare.

Ah, technology. So complicated but fine like the occasional piece of dark chocolate.

Borrowed fashion sense

This morning I'm excited about my brand new Lifefactory turquoise waterbottle. One of the Dinos has one in orange and I knew I HAD to have one.

I'm not sure whether my outfit works this morning, but that's the beauty of working in a preschool -- one is surrounded by the fiercest dressers around. There are some serious fashionistas spilling milk and flying down the slides at CLP. I aspire to be so bold and to care so little: they shop and dress with care but don't worry about life's messes when it comes to exploring and learning. They only stop in front of mirror to wave or make faces at their reflections.

Fashion. Icons.

Team Dino

I was a bit nervous when I got the schedule for this week, because I saw that I was going to be the lead teacher for the first four hours of the day. I had never opened the classroom by myself and I was worried about keeping the routine for the kids. Routine is an important part of a toddler's daily life and one of the many things I admire at CLP -- the classrooms are divided up by age, and as the kids gain a year and a new classroom, they build upon the foundation of that which they've already learned and experienced. Sitting together for meals, for example, starts when they are just babies and their table responsibilities increase as they get older.

Anyway, it's an amazing learning program and I didn't want to screw anything up. But the extra responsibility came in conjunction with spring break at the university, which meant a class half the normal size. The Dinos were awesome and I rocked the morning. I have to say, I liked it a lot. I increasingly have creeping thoughts about how I would run a classroom, the projects we would do, etc. The Dinos are a bright bunch, many with some raw musical and artistic talent.

I did miss the lead teacher. It's funny, teaching in a team, how one begins to rely on that other teacher. We tag team the days and work off each other's energy and style. It's the same in every profession: a good team with good communication and intuition is key.

In other news, I was too lazy to walk to the grocery store for milk after work and I dropped red pasta sauce on my roommate's dog (who has white fur).