I AM CONNECTED

Oh my goodness, let the celebrations commence. Obviously, not having internet at my apartment in the country with the fastest connection wasn't the end of the world. I communicated just fine by working the free wifi spots on Walking Street, the shopping district in downtown Icehon, or, for the Madisonians, the "State Street" of Icheon. But it was being told, "Your internet and cable are all set," that drove me absolutely insane. "WHY WON'T YOU WORK" was a blanket statement between my excursions out in the beautiful city of Icheon.

I am proud to say, with the help of screen shots and email/fb advice from my dad and sister, I now have wifi in my apartment and a better knowledge of how it all works. It's in the air. 

Here's how I did it.

Happy Chuseok, or Thanksgiving, Weekend!

I already have my first day of school under my belt and am enjoying a five-day weekend. The three-day holiday Chuseok, or Harvest Moon Festival, is comparable to American Thanksgiving. The Koreans honor their ancestors and I read, eat crescent-shaped rice cakes. My co-teacher Moonee wished me a happy Thanksgiving weekend as she headed off to Seoul. I hope to get a chance to ask her more about her Chuseok holiday next week, but we have a very busy next few days at school.

I felt good about my first day of school. Moonee picked me up from my apartment and orientated me a bit, showing me the bus stop I will normally take to school and where I can buy my basic groceries. My school Doam Elementary is a rural school with about 220 students. The building itself is really beautiful -- lots of surrounding trees, open air, and color. There was a group of kids playing soccer on the big, dirt playground (the favorite sport Moonee tells me), which leads to the main entrance of the school. Right at the entrance are the shoe lockers where we changed into our "indoor shoes." Koreans traditionally (and modernly) do a lot of activites on the floor, including sleeping and eating. It is a respectful and logical way.

My classroom is right across the hall from the music room, which I think is just fantastic. I enjoyed some enthusiastic and loud singing throughout my first day. Moonee and I each have our own desks and our classroom is equipped with the biggest touch screen TV I have ever seen (I'm bringing my measuring tape next week) and a really neat "virtual studio." I didn't have time to ask Moonee about the virtual studio, but I assume it's some sort of green room the kids can perform in.

I sort of co-taught but more observed one fourth grade class and two sixth grade classes. The energy and welcoming was really amazing -- I'm excited and also a little intimidated to teach. Moonee assured me I just need to be active and loud to succeed. The President of the school is all about English; she really believes in the kids learning English and feels having a a native English-speaking teacher is key to the kids' success in learning it.

My meeting with the President, Vice President, and Head Teacher of the school was so nice. The President doesn't speak much English but she prepared a short welcoming speech that her son wrote for her. She told me how glad she was to have me here and that her sister works in North Carolina. Moonee told me that her son also works in the States as an English teacher. It was really sweet and succeeded on the welcoming front. I think teaching at Doam Elementary will be an extremely positive experience.

Lunch happens around noon. The teachers and students eat in the same cafeteria, which is in a seperate building from the classrooms. My metal lunch tray was heavily piled with rice with specks of beans, kimchi, a cold noodle-vegetable combo, hot soup, and some sort of brown-sauced protein dish. Eat your kinchi, eat your kimchi. That's what was engrained in my head in my weeks of preparation for Korea. This is one front I know I failed. I tried and wanted to, but my stomach has been upset since before I left for Korea. I thought it was nerves, but I dunno -- it's a little bug I think because even the food I brought with me doesn't swallow well. I made the decision not to throw up and just be judged for not eating my kimchi. I felt like that would be the least disrespectful of the two options. My plan is to force eat these next five days and get my stomach back in order. 

After scooping my uneaten food into my soup bowl and emptying it into the trash can, Monee and I returned to our clasroom where we went over some things for next week.Next week, on Tuesday, my third day of school, we will be having open class. For open class, the President of our school and teachers from ten different schools will come and observe our classes. Bam! Let's do this teaching thing. I'm not too nervous, because it is the perfect opportunity to do and show off what I came here to do: teach. And my time at Creative Learning Preschool has given me the confidence to know it's going to be okay. We teach from a book and I observed first-hand how Moonee teaches and what the students are used to doing.

Moonee and I were about to leave for the market when she said that there was a snack in the teacher's room, or teacher's lounge. First of all, cool. I got to (and get to) go into the teacher's room, a fantasy since my grade school days where I only got a peek into Joy Elementary's teacher lounge. I belong in the teacher's room. There were grapes that reminded me of the grapes growing on the vines in my backyard back in Wisconsin and plates full of mostly Korean rice cakes. There was also a rice-water drink. Sweet and refreshing. I then gave a little impromptu speech about my first day for all the staff. I said how happy I was to be here and that the kids were very energetic and asked how old I was and if I had a husband or boyfriend. To their (and my?) dismay, nope. No boyfriend. No husband either. I did tell them I have a dog named Bodger.

Overall, this is doable. My biggest culture shock so far has got to be the feelings of homesickness. The near-disastrous bus ride home felt normal (I've made a huge mistake) and the language barrier just covers my normal social awkwardness. In fact, I feel that I can communicate better here in Korea in the sense that they know I'm a foreigner. I don't worry so much about what I need to say -- I just take it all in. But I miss home in a way that surprised me. It's not that I wish I were home but that I had to say goodbye. Which is probably why I need to embrace my band roots of, "We never say goodbye, but see you real soon." Once I can get my internet working and I can finally skype with them, I think I can stop feeling so sad about saying goodbye. Like the Dinos, I'll be able to see that they are doing great, living life, and that I need to do the same.

So, Happy Chuseok, all!! I am thankful for all the support and well wishes from home. I am thankful for Moonee and all the teachers at Doam Elementary. I am thankful for this opportunity to speak loudly and be an English teacher. I am thankful that I was raised to work hard and that I learned that it's okay to play hard, too. "Fake it til you make it." "Shooting live." I am thankful for all my work experience that taught me small philosophies to live by to make it work.

Much love from Icheon, South Korea <3

Morning calm and a slight upset stomach

At Chicago O'Hare

Standing and waiting for the check-in line to open. I'm feeling... a good okay. I'm attributing the upset stomach to nervousness, over tiredness, and a general anxiety just to get on the plane. I'm enjoying having my bags packed, and I must say, 360 wheels is the way to go. It was love at first sight when I saw the superiority of 360 degree wheeled luggage when traveling to France. It's been quite a thrill so far.

Reached my gate and really thinking about how sad it was to say goodbye to my mom and my dad and my little brothers and my friends. How sad it was to leave Madison, my home for the past six years. As I get older, those kinds of transitions get more real and much harder.

But looking ahead, I am very excited. My expectations are that it will be very difficult. The language barrier, the different cultural expectations of me as an ESL teacher and a young woman of Korean descent. My main goal is to live my life. Yes, this is an adventure of sorts. It's a grand opportunity to make good, honest money and travel, travel, travel. But for the next year, it is my life. This is what I decided to do, not out of necessity to pay for rent while I go to school, but out of sheer desire. That pretty much scares the crap out of me, and the perfectionist in me fears it could be a mistake, but a mistake about what? A mistake that I won't like it? My fears prove to be extremely flimsy and that fact coupled with all the research and personal accounts of teaching experiences and general Korean living fills me with strength. Listening to a mash up of Sara Bareilles' Brave and Katy Perry's Roar helps a lot, too.

Moving On

Moving on takes its toll on the body. The extra words and hugs, the well-wishes and promises to stay in touch. It is exhausting. The mental exhaustion creates the physical exhaustion. And then I just feel sad.

Saying good-bye to the Dinos - the kids, the parents, and the teachers I got to know and love - was tough. Good-byes have always been a struggle for me. A struggle to know how I am supposed to be feeling. I tend to take the "work through it" route. My last day is just like any other day; it's not special and I shouldn't act or feel any differently. I look the other way. 

But when I get home, take off my shoes, and settle down to recharge, it always hits me. The weight and significance of every hug, card, and the extra words - how much I am going to miss being one of the Dino teachers. With this transition, I feel that I am different. Teaching at CLP changed me. I feel better prepared for life, however grand and general that may sound. The laughs about a silly cow falling out of a truck, the excitement about seeing (and hearing) birds on a walk, and the frustration with snow pants (snow pants are the worst) made me braver, stronger, and more determined, in my own life. That's why I can do this. Why I am able to move on to the next phase in life: South Korea.

Expiration date

The quote, "Don't chase people. The people who belong in your life will come and stay." From the more somber posts, it's that time of the month, but as I think and think about relationships and friendships, there are many that simply have an expiration date. It's not always because it was bad or even that it grew sour; its expiration date just came and it was no more what it was. And trying to hold onto it, to taste the freshness, or to wish its passing away does nothing. Trust the compulsion to spit it out. Stop chasing, stop trying to recreate time and be free.

Many me's

A vast amount of people would agree with the thought of oneself being bloody brilliant. I marvel at my wit and humor. I am a catch; I have thoughts that are so superior, insightful, and macro-based that I can't help but wonder how much better the world would be with more -- of me. However rude such thoughts are, maybe that's just what I need to keep going. I've been at several crossroads at this point in my life, pondering over what was best, what I really wanted, worried about making choices that would end in a wasted life. Perhaps the thought of "many me's" running the world can put my fears at rest. With several versions of myself out there, I can focus and finally just decide. That's all I want: a decision free from my own persecutions and judgments.

A world with many me's is always a fleeting thought, one that is crushed by the blubbering idiot I am out loud. Points to my introverted personality and "go with the flow" philosophy, for I've never needed or wanted to say that much because it is what it is. The power of verbal communication has always been disappointing to me; I've found that people mostly say things to preserve an image they hope to have, not one they do have. People change and change the world because they want to, not because I've had a chat with them. 

Too negative, yes. What about the great orators of modern times? Having taken a class entitled "Great Speakers and Speeches," I can't get past the calculation and necessity. I see it more as part of a job, a function. I enjoy great speakers and great speeches immensely, but there are so many things one can say that they will do. What one truly accomplishes isn't decided by the utterance or promise of those words. 

My belief in higher education was planted by my parents growing up, and the lectures that got my blood boiling with passion and excitement were the ones that reinforced that belief. I like that kind of conversation and discussion. From afar, it is comfortable and my mind races without worrying about going too fast or choosing the right words. It's less personal and I can speak freely. It's easier. For me at least.

Nothing Like Sitting In My Nest

Nothing like sitting in my nest, fan blowing to tune out the neighbors, and leftover Panera Bread from teacher appreciation. I feel it more and more these days: content. It's of the restless sort but really, is there a better kind? A peacefulness with possibilities and thoughts for the future.

A recurring topic: my status as a single lady. Start the sad puppy-dog faces, am I right? But in all seriousness and in all honesty, I am glad to be single. It's working really well for me. Whenever I'm feeling the inclination towards finding "the one," I have to remind myself that having a "special someone" in my life isn't going to fix all the things I struggle with now. It's not going to get me any closer to my personal goals and hopes for the future. In fact, "he" might really screw up what I know I want. This leg room, with dedication and networking, will tell the time.

I have a great love for couples that are truly are two of one, great partners in life. However, at this point, I'm more impressed with the individuals that don't care and are making it work on their own. That independence I greatly respect. When I find out someone has a "better half" (which comes up quickly, abruptly, glowingly, or the better half comes back from the bathroom), I feel exhausted. Exhausted from imagining that bond, intimacy, and closeness. "Maybe it's just not for me," I think from time to time.

It's hard to imagine change. When I think about my future, I imagine it at it's completion. It's never a vision of the process, because change is mostly subtle. Normally, there isn't a revolutionary or a civil or a world war to mark it. One day, you realize things are different. I'm not going to outright search for love, that companionship -- at least not for a while. I'm far too self involved for that. So, simmer away, single life.

Every time I have a tough morning or a tough moment in a day, something happens that makes me feel good about things. Sometimes it's as simple as deciding to go to bed early but lately it has been those Dinos. They are absolutely delightful -- little sponges, full of energy and veracity. Giving my attention to them, the time and the respect -- I feel lucky. Lucky that I can laugh with them and be part of their lives. A glimpse into something I may have someday or what I won't.

Good cheese

When I first started working at CLP, getting to know the Dinos was easy. I'm comfortable around kids and my nurturing instincts are right on par. However, getting to know their parents? Awkward.

I'm pretty socially ungraceful. Put me in a situation with a group of people I don't know and you'll find me making friends with the food table. It's worked for me so far because usually someone has the same inclination. "That's some good cheese." "Yes, it sure is."

After bonding over refreshments, the conversation gradually gets easier and more interesting. I feel that's how it's been for me getting to know the Dino parents. In the beginning, I did have to remind myself that I'm adult, too. The Dino parents are closer to my age than my parents' age, which means... whoa. I'm getting old and legitimate. It was a small factor towards building that teacher-parent relationship - a personal factor at that - yet an important mental preparation point.

It's been fun and rewarding getting to know the parents by way of talking about their kids. They have some great kids, a great family dynamic, and I can't wait for some summer Dino fun.

As good as ever

Big accomplishment for the day: got the morning diapers done on schedule. A small feat, yes, but boy was that empowering. Also, kids are funny.

Things at Creative Learning are as good as ever.

--

That was about two weeks ago, and things are still going well. I like getting up for work every day and knowing the Dinos as they continue to grow into themselves. I could be happy working at CLP for a couple more years -- I'm learning an incredible amount about patience and how to be a good teacher (a preschool one anyway). My work ethic pushes me to want to take some classes and really be the best I can be for the kids. We recently had a "Stranger Danger" staff seminar of which there were power point slides that I got way too excited for. Eighteen years of schooling will do that I suppose. And I do like learning. That's why I'm so happy at CLP. Every day I go into work, I learn something new by seeing, watching, listening, and overall experiencing. I need that in my work I've discovered.

What's next?

I've got my walking and busing route to work figured out, and as I now begin to settle into the weekly routine I so craved for when I was unemployed, I'm beginning to think about what's next. I cleaned the entire bathroom and kitchen last night just thinking.

The goals I set for myself for when I moved back to Madison were all logistics. I needed to find a place to live, needed a job, too. Now, I figure it's time to start pushing myself creatively and get my new priorities sorted out, because life is tasty. I want a taste of everything I've always wanted to eat. 

It's hard to know. To know what to do, how to get there. I stress out about it a lot. I listen to other people's journeys and worry my own is that much off track. And I'm not sure why being in my mid twenties feels so close to death or worse, failure, but it does. Why is it so impressive that a nineteen year old develops a wildly popular app and makes millions? He's so young -- AMAZING. Silly, really. It'd be amazing for a person of any age. 

The job that will make me happy, feel fulfilled, and where I can make a difference. My expectations in that kind of glory may be too hurried. It's going to take work and time, and that's totally cool with me. I just need this week to rest up for the hike. 

I like hikes.