Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Many me's

A vast amount of people would agree with the thought of oneself being bloody brilliant. I marvel at my wit and humor. I am a catch; I have thoughts that are so superior, insightful, and macro-based that I can't help but wonder how much better the world would be with more -- of me. However rude such thoughts are, maybe that's just what I need to keep going. I've been at several crossroads at this point in my life, pondering over what was best, what I really wanted, worried about making choices that would end in a wasted life. Perhaps the thought of "many me's" running the world can put my fears at rest. With several versions of myself out there, I can focus and finally just decide. That's all I want: a decision free from my own persecutions and judgments.

A world with many me's is always a fleeting thought, one that is crushed by the blubbering idiot I am out loud. Points to my introverted personality and "go with the flow" philosophy, for I've never needed or wanted to say that much because it is what it is. The power of verbal communication has always been disappointing to me; I've found that people mostly say things to preserve an image they hope to have, not one they do have. People change and change the world because they want to, not because I've had a chat with them. 

Too negative, yes. What about the great orators of modern times? Having taken a class entitled "Great Speakers and Speeches," I can't get past the calculation and necessity. I see it more as part of a job, a function. I enjoy great speakers and great speeches immensely, but there are so many things one can say that they will do. What one truly accomplishes isn't decided by the utterance or promise of those words. 

My belief in higher education was planted by my parents growing up, and the lectures that got my blood boiling with passion and excitement were the ones that reinforced that belief. I like that kind of conversation and discussion. From afar, it is comfortable and my mind races without worrying about going too fast or choosing the right words. It's less personal and I can speak freely. It's easier. For me at least.

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